What If She Laughs At Me?

Dear Mom:

I really want to ask this girl out, but I don’t even think she knows my name. I see her at school every day, and she always looks so happy and friendly and I want to get to know her. But there’s always a lot of her friends around and all I can picture is her laughing a great big NO!! at me. How do I stop thinking about her?

The Invisible Man. 

Dear Man:

Short answer: Whatever you do, stay away from her!!

Long answer: At least until you can fix your attitude. Sorry kiddo, but you are your own problem on this one. But never fear; here’s the plan.

First of all, get over yourself. Whatever it is about you that you think is unworthy of the girl you want, kick it in the ass. Not popular enough? Not handsome enough? Not cool enough? Well, that’s crap. Without writing a whole book on self-help and creating the man you want to be, let’s jump straight to the secret:

  1. Start acting like the guy you want to be. Collect pictures of him – how he dresses, how he stands, his facial expressions. Hear his voice in your head, image what he says. Learn about what it is about him that impresses you. Take the parts you like best and make them your own. I’m not saying go out and copy everything another guy is and does. I’m saying, take your favourite bits and pieces from many. Start turning yourself into the guy you really want to be. Change what you can.
  2. Make the best of what you can’t change. Too tall? Too short? Not too good looking? Let me tell you something: some of the world’s most attractive people aren’t the kind of people who would catch your eye on the street. One of my first jobs in my pre-Mom days introduced me to a guy that all the women went gaga over. I took one look at him and thought, ‘Whaaat??’ A year later, after I’d gotten to know him, to appreciate his sense of humour, to respect his integrity, I could – and still can – say he was one of the sexiest men I’ve ever met. First impressions only get you so far. There has to be some substance under the shell.
  3. Accomplish something you didn’t think you could do. Write a song. Join a team. Learn a skill. Doesn’t matter what it is – just do something that, if someone else was telling you about it, you would be impressed. Even if you fall flat on your face, do it anyway. And then do a little more. This builds confidence. And confidence is sexier than any six-pack ever could be.

When you get to a point where you’re ready to ask Miss Friendly out – and you’ll know when you’re ready – she’ll have no choice but to say yes.

While we’re at it, when you do ask her out, ask her in front of her friends. Tell her why you want to go out with her. Tell her what it is you like about her, what you’d like to know. (Try to stay away from things that everybody else already sees – no, ‘You’re so pretty,’ or ‘…friendly…’ – more ‘I’ve noticed you like horses,’ or ‘I’d like to know what you think about [her favourite band]’ – one thing only; you don’t want her to think you’re stalking her. Research, yes. Stalking, no. Stalking is not sexy.)

Anyway, ask her in front of her friends. Be prepared with a plan in case she says yes; date and time, next step. Smile, eye contact. Then walk away, calm and cool.

But be prepared in case she says no. She won’t be expecting you to take on her group. She’ll be caught off guard and probably react with giggles and pink cheeks. Stick to your guns; stay cool. Offer up the plan. Tell her it’s okay, you don’t regret rejection as much as you would have regretted not asking. Be cool, confident. (Avoid cocky and snippy at all costs – there are other girls there… Don’t burn your bridges! And don’t worry about being embarrassed in front of other guys; trust me, they’re taking notes!) Smile, eye contact. Walk away, calm and cool. And then wait. You’re on her radar now. She’s watching you – whether she wants to or not. Maybe it works out; maybe you move on. But confidence is key. To everything.

Hope that helps,

Love Mom.

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