I Can’t Fart In Front Of My Boyfriend

Dear Mom:

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for six months. He has no problem farting around me – it’s disgusting – it’s like he’s proud of it. Sometimes I wish I could just relax enough to do that, but I’m still hiding in the bathroom with the water running and the fan on. I’m afraid he’ll laugh at me and not be attracted to me anymore if I cross that line. Stupid question, I know. But any suggestions?

Silent But Desparate. 

Dear SBD:

Short answer: Just do it and watch what happens.

Long answer: It’s not the stupid question you think it is. Basically, you’re not comfortable enough in the relationship yet to risk it. That should tell you something. Eventually, it’s going to happen, and then, bridge crossed.

What you have to realize though, it that this is one of those rights of passage that good relationships master. The foundation of a great relationship lies in the intimacy and connection between you and your BAE. You spend time together alone, making a history together that includes secrets, inside jokes, private signals. Physical intimacy, deep discussions, enduring trials are all part of building that history. Over time, you trade new hot romance for secure, solid passion. And private basic bodily functions can be some of the most difficult to give up.

But look at it from his side. It’s a guy thing. If he feels perfectly comfortable letting one rip in front of you – and he’s not doing it in the middle of a restaurant and embarrassing you in front of others with it – take that as a sign of his level of intimacy with you. He trusts you. He’s having fun with you. He’s over that bridge. (Although there will be other private matters for him that will take longer than for you, such as sharing vulnerable emotions.)

Bottom line? Go for it. You’re of age, next time you’ve had a great night out with him, maybe with the help of a glass of wine or two, let one go in the car on the way home. Laugh out loud about it, freak out a little, open the window, apologize, act mortified. Chances are, he’ll have to pull over he’s laughing so hard at you.

Ice broken. Secret shared. One more sticker on the privacy chart. It gets easier after that.

On the off chance, however, that this blows up in your face and he runs the other way, you have to trust me that that’s for the best. If all it takes to gross him out enough to run is a fart, no matter how bad, there’s no way he’d be sticking around for babies and illness down the road.

Hope that helps,

Love Mom.

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